Why am I an Introvert?

Dec 15, 2025

Want a simple answer to the title? I still don’t know, maybe it’s my nature, maybe it’s life. For the longest time, I never really thought deeply about this question.

I always assumed I was just “born this way.” I like to observe people first, understand their vibe, and then open up slowly (especially after I know what kind of humor they can tolerate). I am 22, and I have lived in 10 different cities, and have studied in 8 different schools. That constant change shaped my personality more than anything else. My school changed almost every 2 years, that too in the middle of the session. And every new place meant having a new surrounding, with a completely new set of friends, and starting from zero again.

One thing about moving so much is that it’s hard to form deep connections. Just when I’d start to get close to someone, it would be time to move again. Most of my friendships stayed on the surface-lots of acquaintances, but very few people who really knew me. After a while, I got used to not expecting permanence from anyone.

When you keep changing schools and cities, you learn to protect your energy. You stop trying to fit in immediately. You watch first. You listen first. You speak when it feels safe. Over time, this habit starts looking like introversion.

People often think introverts are shy, arrogant, or uninterested. In my case, it is none of that. I can talk a lot when I feel comfortable. I can be very expressive with my close friends. I just do not enjoy forcing conversations, and I don’t want to put on an act just to fit in.

The Tough Side of Being This Way

This trait really showed its tough side when I moved to Kota for JEE preparation. Kota is a city where everyone is hustling, competing, and trying to survive the pressure. I was in a newly created star batch, with only two students initially. And on my first day, first class, first instructor told me “Yha pe padhne aaye ho, bas padhai karna, kisi se dosti karne ki need nhi h”. Initially I didn’t take his advice seriously tho. But to me it seemed like some people did.

I was a loner and Kota provided me the perfect opportunity to avoid socializing. My social life sucked, my friend circle grew smaller, I got so absorbed in studies that I even sacrificed my hobbies. I used to stay in my room all day, I used to go out only for classes or going to mess.

I struggled to ask for help, or even to share what I was going through. There were days when I felt completely alone, even in a crowd. My introversion, which had always protected me, now felt like a wall keeping me from connecting with others. I realized that sometimes, you need people-not just for academic help, but for emotional support too.

I dreaded that experience. Never in my life had I been more desperate to move out of a place. Every day felt like a repeat - wake up, go to class, come back, eat, study, sleep. I barely spoke to anyone. Even when I wanted to, I didn’t know how. The walls of my room felt safer than the world outside, but also more suffocating with each passing week.

I don’t know how much it affected my studies, but man, it did fuck up my mental health pretty badly. There were days I’d just stare at the ceiling, wondering what I was even doing there. My motivation dipped, my hobbies disappeared, and I started feeling like a ghost in my own life.

If you want to read more about my Kota experience and how it shaped me, I wrote about it here: Quora Answer

College was the first time in my life when I knew I’d be staying in one place for a while. That stability gave me the chance to build some truly great friendships. After coming to IIT Delhi, I realized something else: everyone has their own definition of what a “friend” is. For some, it’s just someone to hang out with or study with. For others, it’s someone you trust with everything. I remember once, a friend casually asked me who I could call at 2 AM if I just wanted to talk about life or vent about anything. And honestly, I had no answer. It hit me that while I knew a lot of people, I didn’t really have that kind of connection with anyone. It made me rethink what friendship actually means to me.

What helps me now

I still get drained in high-noise environments, but I handle it better now. Kota-saga taught me that shutting myself off completely isn’t the answer. I’m so afraid of that shit happening with me again that, these days, I actively try to balance my need for quiet with reaching out for social interaction when I feel like it.

What works for me:

Final thought

To sum it up: moving often made it hard for me to form deep connections, and my introversion became even more obvious in places like Kota. In college, I realized that everyone has their own way of making friends and finding comfort. For me, it’s about enjoying my own company, trying new things at my own pace, and being okay with who I am - even if that looks different from most people around me.

Written by Khushvind Maurya